painted eyes » News

It’s LHC day!

Emily — Wed, 10 Sep 2008 04:20:31 +0000

I warned you. And you laughed. Actually, no, you didn’t. But this blog went down to about negative four hits per day after I posted about the LHC. You thought I was a dork. And you were right. But now I’m a dork who’s in the know. I was cool before anyone rapped about the LHC or paid five bucks for a domain name.

So, today is the day. At 9:30 am, Geneva time, the Large Hadron Collider is going to be turned on. IT’S THE END OF THE WORLD. Okay, so it’s still going to be about a month before any atoms are collided, but still.

My favorite naysayers are those who have threatened the scientists involved with death. IF YOU DESTROY THE WORLD AND KILL HUMANITY, I WILL KILL YOU. Like getting pulled like taffy and broken into millions of itty, bitty pieces doesn’t suck enough.

There are about two hours before the LHC turned on. I would recommend getting some and smoking the rest of your weed. Just in case.

The end is near! (Well, not if you believe Stephen Hawking.)

Emily — Mon, 07 Jul 2008 03:01:54 +0000

Some fear debut of powerful atom-smasher

Awesome!

Ever since I was a kid, I have been fascinated with black holes. I used to have nightmares about one randomly appearing on earth and sucking me up. At seven, I had the brilliant idea of shipping all of the planet’s garbage to a black hole and just dumping it in, like a giant trash compactor. (One day the government will discover my idea, and they will name a junior high after me.)

Within the past few years, I’ve learned about the awesome things about black holes, such as the event horizon and spaghettification. I’ve become really interested in physics, but in the terms of a layman who can grasp the concept and the facts and theories around it, but cannot completely wrap my head around the whole idea.

I’m incredibly excited about the collider. Scientists are hoping to see dark matter and dark energy, and maybe even other dimensions. Even if nothing happens, the idea that we might is amazing. This thing could prove or disprove so many theories and change our view of the world.

Then again, it might just create a black hole, and we’ll all be spaghettified. In which case, they’d better not turn it on until after my birthday.

Stephen Hawking predicted that micro black holes would instantly disappear, but this is the guy whose solution to the information loss paradox was that the information was lost in black holes, but retained in universes without black holes. And then the other physicists giggled and drank punch.

More reasons I believe in therapy.

Emily — Tue, 13 Nov 2007 18:53:11 +0000

Cleaver-Wielding Ex-Girlfriend Shot In Chest

ST. FRANCISVILLE, La. — A cleaver-wielding ex-girlfriend was shot in the chest at her former boyfriend’s home in West Feliciana Parish.

Kimberly Davis was brought to a nearby hospital after she was shot in the chest at about 1 a.m. Monday. She underwent surgery but her condition was not immediately available.

Authorities said Davis will face charges of attempted second-degree murder upon her release. West Feliciana Parish sheriff’s officials said Davis kicked in the door of her former boyfriend’s trailer. Investigators said he was in the bedroom with his new girlfriend when Davis, carrying a meat cleaver, stormed into the room.

The new girlfriend was cut with the cleaver, and then she reportedly pulled out a pistol and shot Davis in the chest. Capt. Spence Dilworth said the pistol used to shoot Davis was a .22 caliber. The sheriff’s office said the shooter will not be charged.

I really want to know the back story. You know you’ve done something bad when someone comes after you with a fucking meat cleaver.