I’ve been having a hard time lately. This whole summer has been hard. I feel like I keep getting hit with one thing after another, and the optimism I’ve been working so hard to keep is currently faltering. I’m trying so hard to remind myself that things are the way they are for a reason, that I don’t need to worry about what I should do because there are no wrong decisions. That’s the only thing that’s kept me going.

For whatever reason, I’ve become more spiritual this summer. I had a thought a few months ago — that maybe some people have to go through hell in order to see that there is some Good in the world. My heart has been broken several times in the past few months — more times that it should have in such a short amount of time — and yet I feel like everything is still going to be okay.

I don’t know why things are the way they are right now, but I feel like there is some reason. Maybe I’m supposed to learn or gain something from my current situation. Maybe it will eventually work out. Maybe it won’t, but it’ll lead me to something that does. I’m trying to realize that not knowing is okay. I hate not having the answers, I hate not knowing where things are going, I hate not having a definite future. Maybe accepting those things and accepting that I can’t control everything is part of why this is happening.

All I can do is try, and I know that. I can’t fix everything or make everything what I want it to be, but I can keep pushing forward and making life what I can. I can be sad and hurt, but eventually I need to pick myself up, change out of my pajamas, and live the life that I have in the best way I can. All I have is this moment, and there’s no sense in dwelling on the past or worrying about the future if I can’t fix either right now.

All I can do is make do with what I have and mend myself.